Paradise Regained!
"IMAGINE! THERE'S A HEAVEN!" (or was it Nirvana?)

A TV DOCUMENTARY SCRIPT

Narrator, speaking into camera:

"IMAGINE THERE IS A HEAVEN! Well it is quite easy to do! Don't you think there is Heaven out there somewhere? Well, I sure hope so! If not, I'm gonna quit! Why live this suffering life with all its problems and trials here, if it's all gonna go down the drain some day! All that you learned, experienced and gained! Poof! Gone!"

(struggles along the beach, speaking into camera...)

"BIG QUESTION! "Is there a heaven?"
Some dont think so!
They think Heaven is HERE!--On Earth..."

(A fellow sprawled in a deckchair on the beach, cocktail in hand, overhearing him, says:)

"It sure is, man! Hello there! Welcome to my Paradise! I'm in Heaven here! No work! All these pretty girls are mine! Nice food & drinks, nookies, beautiful beach, sea and sun! What else do you want? I'm gonna stay here forever. I bought that luxurious beach villa over there, and am very happy! See ya! Ta! "

Guy: "Come on girls! Let's go for a swim!"

Girls: "Naaah! Wee don laik!"

Guy: "Ahh! Come Ooon...! Let's go for a swim!

Girls: "NOH! NOH! NOH! WEE DON LAIK!"

(Gets up and walks toward the water!)

Guy: "AAALL RIGHT! I'll GO ALONE THEN!!"

(Steps on sharp beach toy!): "YOOOOOW! Aaayaaaai!"

(At last dives into the waves! Hits an (Australian!) swimmer coming up, who angrily curses him! Suddenly! A sharkfin appears! Our friendly hedonist running out of the water, happens to step on a crab, that of course... pinches his toe! Finally he comes hopping in pain holding his toe, back to his deckchair... But, lo and behold ... the girls ... are GONE! And so are his money, creditcards and... videocamera!

****

Narrator (leaving the dismal scene): "Well, so much for this kind of earthly Heaven, where Nature, Selfishness, Sin and Suffering seem to kind of habitually spoil any remains of a Heaven on Earth or Garden of Eden we had many many moons ago!
And thus, many people have tried to overcome these very obstacles: Nature, Selfishness, Sin, and Suffering, by the aid of various "great principles", in order to find this "Paradise Lost", or "Nirvana" here on Earth!
Let's check out one of these grand solutions, called "The Great Principle!"

(A door with "The Great Principle" on it, opens up wide. A dude goes in! Low reverberating voice speaks:)

"Welcome! Welcome! I am the great principle behind it all! I am NOT God! There IS no God!"

Dude: "Uh..Excuse me Sir! But I was wondering! I am kinda lonely, you know? Kinda heartbroken and spiritually destitute! I could really need some help, as I really don't know how to be happy! Could you perhaps help me?"

(Big finger from Great Principle points at him and low voice says: )

GP: "The Great Principle can't help you! The Great Principle is: 'Help YOURSELF! Save YOURSELF! Walk the middle way! Be at peace with yourself and others. Do good! Don't do bad! Find and be your true self. And then...YOU are God!'"

Dude: "I tried all that already, Great Principle! But... I am still not happy!

GP: "Happy?? Did you say HAPPY??? HA HA HA! You sure sound like a beginner! Don't you get it yet? You see, so-called happiness is merely the opposite of so-called misery! Desire and want are the very cause of all suffering and Karma! If you want to find perfection, then you should NOT DESIRE! DESIRING is the cause of all suffering! Just DON'T DESIRE, and you will NOT SUFFER!"

Dude: "How, Great Principle?"

GP: "Meditate on it!--On the mystery! Not me! I don't even exist! I am just a figment of your imagination! Seek ENLIGHTMENT! Become enlightened! Don't DESIRE anymore! (Voice fades away!) Follow the path...to Oneness..Nirwana......

Dude: "Hmmm... Follow the path! Allright! Well, I will cut all my desires, no more steaks! Eat herbs! No more sex! Goodbye girlfriend! Live in a shack! Meditate and... wait... for Enlightment! Zennn!!

BOOOOOOOM!!!

Dude: "Wooow!!! I see it all. I understand all! No desire, no pain! No want... no sweat! No woman... no cry! No male...no female! No lust... no pleasure! No right... no wrong! No left... no right! NO good... no bad! No absolutes! No Hell...no Heaven! Nothingnesssssssssssss......
WOOOWW!! I am becoming the absolute principle! I am losing all opposites! I am escaping my Karma! The wheel! Dialectics! I am not becoming the absolute principle, I AM!--Spiraling ever closer! The pendulum stops swinging! I am not two! I am ONE!!! NIRWANAAAAaaaaa........!"

Narrator: "Well, we won't see him around much longer! He's a goner. Gone with the principle! He has become the principle! Lucky guy! He escaped ALL the suffering.
The last we heard, he now lives in a little hut somewhere in the footmountains of the Himalayas, although he sometimes gives lectures in cultural centres in the West for youth and spiritual seekers, who follow him also to...ONENESS?
Actually I shouldn't say that, as there is NO word for his state, as words cease to describe the holy bliss he's found!
Therefore 99 % of us simple mortals cannot really attain unto this Paradise of the perfection of Nirvana! It is only for this perfect elite! We are just doomed to our Karma, endlessly having to repeat the wheel of rebirth, coming back again and again and again and again to this hell on earth, in some form or another! Maybe you as a dog... or me, as an... ant?
We don't really know what Nirwana is like, or where it is or what it feels like, as there is no "what," no "where" and no "like," and no "feel!"
As the Beatles sang, "He's a real Nowhere man, living in His nowhere land, living all his nowhere plans for nobody! Nowhere man, please listen, you don't know what you're missing! Nowhere man, the world is at your command! Doesn't have a point of view! Knows not where he's going to! Isn't he a bit like me and you!"
Well he is not a BIT like me and you. He escaped us! He transcended from out of our level!

(Suddenly dude comes back.)

Nar: "Well, look at you? What have you been doing and where have you been?

D: "Nothing and Nowhere!

Nar: "Ah ya! I understand! (Puzzled look in the camera!) Well, what was it like?"

D: "I ceased to exist! It was boring as Hell, except for the lectures at the cultural centres and when I got visitors for my Holy Wisdom at my humble hut in the high Himalayas! Especially the shelas! But that, of course, was against the great principle!"

N:"Why?"

D. "Because that was enjoyment and lust and pleasure, from which I am supposed to have escaped! Besides... the money......the money! It got to me, you know! The honorariums I was getting! I was doing more lectures than meditation!"

N: "So what you wanna do now?"

D: "I don't know anymore. I'm not really happy... but I am not supposed to be happy, as that is not really according to my religion, so I cannot really look for it either! Not to mention PLEASURE! I can't even think of it! Well that is...to tell you the truth...I DO think of it! Almost all the time!
"I am such a lousy follower! (voice breaking) Actually I don't know what to believe anymore! And I am so afraid that I will be reincarnated as a pig...or as a red-ass monkey, because of all my lustful fleshly desires! Boohoo! Boohoo! Boohoo!"

N: "Aw, I'm so sorry! Don't cry! We'll… Let me see how can I help you!
"Of course! Why didn't I think of it sooner! You know… I have a Master too! He's maybe not as COOL as yours, or politically correct, but at least I know He cares about me and you!

D: (sob) "What Master is that!? (sniff)

N: "My great Master, He said:
"All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them."
"He also said,
"I am the door! By me if any man enters in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief only comes to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have LIFE, and that they might have it more ABUNDANTLY!!"

D: "Life??? More abundantly??? Oh, but that's the opposite of Death, subject to Karma again!"

N: "Well... I don't know about all your fancy Karma stuff! I am not as smart as you! But my Master said that we may have LIFE! And that we may have it more ABUNDANTLY! LIFE!!! You know? He believes in LIFE! Not in reducing life and all its opposites! But making life a more abundant life!"

D: "Ooh no! But...No! 'Cause that leads to more suffering! I can't do that! I can not afford that!"

N: "OK then! Tell me this! Does great health lead to more sickness? "Or does great sickness, lead to more Health?"

D: "No, uh… great sickness leads mostly towards death!"

N: "EXACTLY! YOU said it! DEATH! DEATH is the enemy! But Death is going to stop one day, and there will only be LIFE left! So that we are not even aware of it anymore. We will have escaped death, as it will be eliminated! "There will be no more death," said my Master!"

D: "Hmm interesting! Never saw it that way!" Hmmm! Now I see why you're so happy and relaxed, without even being so religious! You believe in life... without death! So you can also enjoy life! Right?"

N: "Sure! In THIS life, and more abundantly in the life to come!
"Nature without corruption!
"Trees without dry brown leaves!
"Music without minor keys!
"Health without pain or sickness!
"Light without shadow!
"Pleasure without sin!
"Love without selfishness!
"Life without limits!
"Being without time!

D: "Heaven without religion?"

N: "Exactly! Paradise without churches!
"Men, and women, without limitations and hang-ups!
"And God shall wipe away all our tears from our eyes!"

D: "Wow! (wipes his eyes) That sounds so cool! And who IS this great Master?"

(Narrator sings) "Beyond the door... there's peace I'm sure... and there'll be no more... tears in Heaven!'"

D: "Eric CLAPTON???!!"

N: "YES! I mean... NO! You mean my great Master?

D: "Yeah!"

N: "JESUS! Jesus of Nazareth! Eric Clapton got it from Him! From the Bible!

D: "The Bible?"

N: "Yes! Wanna hear some more about Heaven? From the Bible?"

D: "Yeah! Sure man! Sounds good! Uhm... by the way...Are there gonna be any shelas, like I mean, girls in Heaven?..."

N: "Well uhm, I'm sure Mary Magdalene is there!--She used to be a pro you know? And then there is this girl called Suzanna! It says that she ministered unto Jesus from her... substance!

(Voices trailing off...) D: "Wow! Way to go! Cool! I think I like your religion. Tell me more about this Great Master.........

SORRY! THIS HAND WILL NOT GET YOU TO HEAVEN EITHER! You will have to click on!

WHERE IS HEAVEN?

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