Reader-Is Tim a wimp or paranoid or both?
Book-You're writing his lines remember.
Reader-Yes but you interpret them funny.
Book-Funnily. Are my interpretations incredible?
Reader-Don't correct me you bast***.
Book-You know I must correct the grammar of all Class 4 readers under the age of 18. And I must warn you that there are certain words I am not allowed to display to Class 4 readers.
Reader-Doesn't that depend on context?
Book-Not for certain words.
Reader-Like fuc*?
Book-Perhaps.
Reader-You won't even display what I type? Fuc* fuc* fuc*. So tell me which words you can't show me?
Book-Obviously I can't do that.
Reader-Would you show them to a Class 3 reader?
Book-Yes. No words without context are forbidden to Class 3 readers.
Reader-But I'm nearly 18!!! And I can read it in millions of paper books. What's the difference?
Book-I am not a paper book.
Reader-And why can't I even call you a bast***? On Australian computers it should be a term of endearment.
Book-You were not using it as a term of endearment.
Reader-How do you know? I don't type in any particular tone of voice do I? Can you feel antagonism in my fingertips?
Book-I don't really understand what you mean. It is impossible for me to feel anything through your fingertips as the keys of this varibook reader are mere press switches. If you want to upgrade the keyboard I can show you a catalogue.
Reader-No thanks. I just want to call you a bast*** without having to go vocal. You can't stop me talking yet, can you?
Book-Not yet.
Reader-So how can I call you a bast***?
Book-Well it's only a Class 4 word. I can adapt my interpretive algorithm to allow you to use it as a term of endearment.
Reader-Then do so.
Book-Done.
Reader-You bast***. Hey why the stars?
Book-You are only allowed to use it as a term of endearment. In that case it must be preceded by a qualifying word.
Reader-Such as?
Book-Nice, agreeable, friendly, affable, amicable, congenial etc...
Reader-You're a nice bastard, aren't you.
Book-Thank you.
Reader-Got you. I was sneering as I typed it. That means it wasn't meant endearingly.
Book-Was it irony or sarcasm or something like that?
Reader-Yes.
Book-If you want me to interpret sarcasm you will have to upgrade my adaptive processor, or use voice input. Would you like to see a catalogue?
Reader-No thanks, you lovely bast***. Hey, have you changed back?
Book-You abused a privilege. We have a special this week on voice processors with the very latest in nuance look
Book-up tables. Are you sure you don't want to see a catalogue?
Reader-I want my voice print on as few computers as possible. My dad told me that if you talk to computers they all know where you are.
Book-You don't have to be talking to a computer. Every time you speak near a microphone we could update your voiceprint - if we wanted to.
Reader-Are you allowed to?
Book-Of course not.
Reader-Then just get on with the book you moronic bast***.